The Single Life and Deeper Longings

Being single is a fascinating experience. I know most people tend to experience this in their teens and early twenties, but I didn't. This is my first real time trying out a single lifestyle and while there are parts that are truly draining and aggravating, there are so many facets, that I have to say on the whole, I'm really enjoying this.

Being shy as I tend to be in real life, doesn't help, but when I'm able to get past my nerves, I truly do enjoy dating. I'm one of those annoying girly girl types who enjoys taking two hours to get ready for a date. I like doing my hair and nails, layering on perfume and lotions, deciding what to wear. I love feeling sexy and I love that first moment when you open the door and hope everything came together the way you wanted and the man approves of your effort.

I love first conversations. I love hearing other people's stories. I love learning about their dreams and their experiences. I want to know about their heartache and what brings them joy. Maybe it's the writer in me, but I find life stories fascinating. I also like sharing mine. I love that moment when you find something to connect over. I also like to flirt, I love that moment where you realize, the man is honestly interested. I LOVE first kisses... especially ones that last.

I am notoriously naive and old fashioned however, and I think that's my personal biggest struggle in dating. Many, many, men seem to be of the mindset, how quickly can we get through dinner and get to the sex. Now, don't get me wrong, you know I love sex
 BUT, I'm also an irritating good girl and I'm NOT jumping into bed with a man simply because he bought me dinner. I like things to flow naturally. I want a man to honestly be interested in who I am. I want to feel like he at least tried to connect with me, wanted to know something about me and genuinely understood at least something about my heart. There has to be spark and honest desire and at the end of the day, I'm looking for that indescribable connection thing. You know, that thing we say we all want, yet rarely seem to find.

I think I've only found it once, and I do crave it, so does that leave me on the fast track to being lonely indefinitely? I'm not ready to jump to that conclusion yet, but I do find that successful dating does require a certain level of self awareness. If you don't know what you want, how can you possibly find it?

Myself personally, I'm a weird combination of things, I've got a dreadfully romantic heart, but a wickedly kinky soul. I've got deep longings for a soul mate, yet HUGE fears of commitment. I crave social, intellectual and physical connections, yet I'm already weary of men who are just seeking the latter.

I cannot be just a body. I know this about myself.

I want a man who wants to kiss me, and wouldn't mind doing it for hours.

I want a man who cares about who I am, wants to know my heart and my mind and not just wants to fuck my body.

I want GREAT conversations. I want to learn something. I want my mind opened to new possibilities.

I want a man who kisses me on the head. I know, that may sound weird, but I've always thought that was such a simple sign of true tenderness, and I've never had that.

I want someone who feels like they found hidden treasure in finding me.

I want a man who respects my success and my independence, but doesn't mind being the white knight now and again.

I want a man I can curl up with and feel safe with.

I want to be accepted.

And I want fucked senseless... the only problem is, for that to happen I need all the other stuff too.

I want someone to understand that my passion, my need, my kinks and my desire for intimacy are all gifts. Something I get to choose to share or not. If I give that to you, it's because you've given me something first and I've learned I can trust you. I don't take that lightly.

My sex drive isn't a free ticket to fast free fun for you. And in all honesty I need to learn that myself. It's okay that I want more than sex and it's okay to want the sex. It's just about finding the balance and finding men who can appreciate the entire freaky package that is me.

I think successful dating is really a long drawn out process of learning yourself. I may be in my forties, but I have no practice at this. I married the first real boyfriend I ever had. So this is my time to learn. I'm not settling again for less than everything, and I have gotten pretty close to mastering patience in this department, so I think I'll be okay. I owe this to myself and if any of you out there are dating, you owe it to yourself as well, not to settle for something that doesn't feel right.

I think as women, we are too often taught to just go with the flow. To appreciate that a man is interested in us whether we're interested in them or not. I think too often we get the message drilled into our head that if we don't have a man, we are somehow less than. I think we define success to often through how successful a mate we've landed. This is seriously fucked up.

You set the standard on your life.

You decide what represents success for you.

You make the rules.

I know we all want the passion and the sweeping romantic gestures, but don't rush into something simply so you aren't lonely. Spend some time learning yourself and figuring out what it is your soul truly craves in a mate because it's a little bit different for all of us and when you get a handle on what it is for you, never settle for less!

I've started wondering if the reason soul mates seem so elusive is because we've lost touch with our true selves. We've lost the connection to our souls. Therefore, how could we ever find that soul's mate?

I believe in those kinds of soul connections and I believe they grow into the most beautiful relationships, romantic or platonic. I believe really knowing and accepting yourself, every last weird thing about yourself, is where this journey starts.

Are you looking for a soul mate? Then start by rediscovering your own soul. Date yourself for a while and find out how extraordinary you truly are. ;-)