I'm not opposed to dating, I've done quite a bit of it myself in the past year. Dating can actually be an excellent way to learn about yourself and to grow, if you make that your intention. However in most cases it's an endless trek of frustration that keeps us distracted from our journey in life and oftentimes derails it entirely.
If you will indulge me, I believe, if you find yourself single, the best thing you can do for yourself and your future is to get to know yourself and figure out what you truly want from life.
I think too many of us make the mistake of jumping from one relationship too quick into another because it feels good to be wanted again, to know that you are still desirable, but it also keeps
us from learning the lessons from the relationship that is over and that is such a waste of our pain.
I think too often we as women assign our worth to whether or not we have a man in our life. Please don't do this. I know most of you who read this, will anyway, but if you are serious about wanting a relationship with a man who respects and loves you to the depths of his soul, then you need to become a woman who respects and loves herself to the depths of her soul and you won't get there by jumping into a relationship unworthy of you.
I believe wholeheartedly that like attracts like. We attract to us at the level to which we are. If you want an amazing, successful, charming, kind, loving man, then you need to be the kind of woman who will attract such a man. An amazing, successful, charming, kind, loving one.
If you settle for a relationship with a man who is less than all you dream simply because it eases your pain somehow, it will keep you complacent and harm your own growth. Once we are coupled up, we tend to start requiring less of ourselves because we become comfortable and life gets busy and we fall into routines.
If you don't know what you like or what you want, then you are at risk of becoming a shell that does what her man does and has no fire in her soul of her own.
I have become a strong, independent, passionate woman with a fire in her soul for people and art and music and travel and I did that for me. I did that intentionally because I want the soul mate. I want the relationship that stands the test of time and I truly believe the only real way to achieve that, is to become the best you, you can be and determine to be your best ally. When you learn who you are, what you want, what you need, why you're screwed up, where you're screwed up, learn to take responsibility for your own crap and are able to see past the vision of the six pack abs and the big cock, that's when you'll find the man who is the treasure of your heat and the joy of your soul, and more, that's when you'll find the man who is a treasure lights up when you walk in the room and only has eyes for you.
I know how hard it is to be alone. How the loneliness eats at you and the pain burns so deep into your soul you can't breathe for it. One of the worst feelings is when I sometimes get home, having chosen not to take my phone with me wherever I went and look at it only to find I haven’t gotten a single text, phone call, email or Tweet from anyone.
All that being said, I truly believe when you jump from relationship to relationship, you have very little chance of every finding the mate your soul is longing for. There is a very valid place for simply allowing yourself to be alone. There is a sacredness in it if you look for it. This is a season, not a new way of life for you. I truly believe if it is your intention to be in a long term, healthy, loving relationship, you will be, but those don't come along naturally, they require work and the work starts on you.
The journey begins with learning to handle the alone. Finding ways to get through it without turning to men or food... yes I truly have been there! ;-) As cheesy as it sounds, you need to spend time with yourself because if you are like most women, you don't know who you are. You've gotten lost in the relationships, the kids, the things people expect of you... you've simply gotten lost.
Do you know what brings your soul to life? What makes you feel passion? What brings you joy?
Sometimes being alone with ourselves is painful because we don't want to look at our truths, but when you can be brave enough to go there, work through your stuff, not just your dating life will change, your entire life changes and the wait will be so worth it.
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